How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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