Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
