I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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