I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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