My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
