OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
