I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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