operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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