Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Randomize
