remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
bring money and cleavage
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I just forgot I was standing up.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
