The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
