Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
