the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Randomize
