apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We have started to decorate penises.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
