The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
