Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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