I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
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