maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
