Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
