none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
