I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
My liver just had a heart attack.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
