PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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