My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
