How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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