If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
