um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
