We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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