i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
