I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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