He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
