im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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