I'm so fucking centered right now
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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