Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
