You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
