there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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