this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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