i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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