obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
