I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
