I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
