question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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