bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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