I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
