she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
