Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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