All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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