Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
