hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i drank out of a bidet.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
