Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
