Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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