I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
