i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
