No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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